#work is soooo boring and everywhere i go on here it’s these two bitches in suits | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chibisquirt · 4 years ago

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You don't have to answer, but if you wouldn't mind. What are some things you've learned about ADHD from Tumblr that are applicable to you, or others you may now? I've been reading more on it and how it manifests in girls/women and was curious when I read your rb on that post about Grammarly

I don’t mind at all! Fair warning: this is gonna be LONG.

I’m going to start by repeating something I mentioned in that post: I was diagnosed in third grade, which was over two decades ago. I had my diagnosis halfway through elementary school, much less high school and two rounds of college. So a lot of the old information about ADHD I learned as a young person, and those things are worth exploring, too.

Example: It’s not that I’m not listening, Mrs. Nock, it’s just that if I try to keep my hands still, then the only thing I will retain from the lesson will be keep your hands still and not the things you trying to teach, which are supposedly important!

(Mrs. Nock was the one who said to me, “I believe you believe you’re paying attention.” Yes, it’s been fifteen years. Yes, I’m still mad. If you can’t have basic respect for your students, don’t teach.)

I figured out half on my own, half because of the counselling that if I had a fidget tool that didn’t require words I would pay better attention than if I tried to sit still. (I still remember being mocked by my dad for fidgeting well after making that discovery, though. Apparently diagnoses should only inform compassion when they’re his.) On the same lines, I also figured out that music in the background wouldn’t work for me if it had words, and television is too distracting for me to use at all. (I have a friend, though, whose ADHD works the opposite way: he has difficulty focusing if there isn’t a television in the background. Yes, both are valid.)

So, the Classics:

I always had trouble with organization and cleaning, had trouble with schedules and calendars and managing my time. Those are the things they’ll warn you about, the things they’ll tell you in counselling are natural and normal things for people with ADHD to have trouble with. Trouble paying attention, sure. Trouble sitting still. Procrastination. Got it.

But if you turn those traits around and re-frame them, they become a new set of symptoms. Adaptations for these new symptoms are more personal and universally applicable in my life, and therefore, to my mind, more useful.

Take Procrastination. (No really: please take it.) That just means “putting it off until tomorrow,” and there are lots of reasons to do it: “don’t have the tool I need” is one of the biggies, “want to conserve steps” trips me up a lot, “I still have time to get to it” is HUGE for me... But a lot of times, these are just superficial reasons. The re-framed symptom is, Trouble making yourself do things you don’t want to do.

ADHD is an executive function disorder. That’s a phrase I first learned on Tumblr, by the way; it may have been mentioned by one of my earlier counsellors, but it definitely wasn’t taught.

This is why soooo many of us have struggled with the perception (including self-perception) that we’re lazy! But no one tells the kid in the wheelchair he’s just lazy for not playing basketball. (Okay, they totally do. People are terrible. Ignore that, stick to the point.) I reframe this the way I do because acknowledging this as a symptom, taking the blame out of it, makes it easier to find adaptation.

Now, this is a personal post. YMMV. But I have an easier time managing my conduct if, instead of calling myself lazy a procrastinator, I say, “I keep not doing that --> oh it’s because I Don’t Wanna --> how can I con myself into doing it?” (Strategies include bargaining, making it easier, powering through but then allowing yourself to stop afterwards, just acknowledging that I Don’t Wanna and allowing that to be valid...) Procrastination is an action, but “executive function disorder” is a disease and “I Don’t Wanna” is its trigger, just as much as an allergy and a clump of ragweed are. “Procrastination” is a powerful sphynx against which I’m helpless, but “I Don’t Wanna Disease” lets me start cultivating my metaphorical catnip and researching the answers to common riddles.

And while we’re talking about procrastination--and trouble with deadlines, and schedules in general--let’s talk about Time Insensitivity. Missed deadlines and perpetual lateness (perpetual) are external actions, just like procrastination, and they can have all sorts of explanations.

(Shoutout to Mrs. Pollack, who looked around a classroom containing thirteen-year-old me, and, knowing full well that I was chronically tardy, declared that “anybody who’s always running late, deep down, they just doesn’t care about anybody else’s time.” Great job with calling the thirteen-year-old a heartless bitch, Mrs. Pollack! As you can tell, I definitely forgot it very quickly, and didn’t at all have a self-critical breakdown about it, periodically revisiting the question of my own inherent selfishness for years!!!)

But ignoring the external actions, let’s take a compassionate look inside the head again. Executive function includes regulation of, and awareness of the passing of, time. Again: you can’t play the basketball with no legs. We literally do not realize what time is doing. Sometimes we do--if we devote enough of our attention to it, which may be a large amount for some, a small amount for others, or a variable amount for the same person. But our brains literally don’t process it the same way.

But hold on a minute--let’s go back to that analogy. Because actually, people with no legs can play basketball! It’s just that you have to use the adaptation of wheelchairs to do it--and that’s an adaptation for the game and for the players.

I use alarms. I’ve recently seen a post about audio memos as alarms. There are people who just slap clocks everywhere. When I was forced to work in a kitchen with no clocks, I used the multi-setting timer and set it for like four hours so I would know if I was keeping on schedule. I also chose a job environment where much of my shift is the same as itself, and rigid punctuality isn’t enforced--that’s adapting my environment, instead of myself. There’s all kinds of adaptations. But you have to know you have the condition before you can compensate for it.

Here’s a fun little story: when I was... oh, eleven? Twelve? My Quaker Meeting’s youth group (#7 whitest phrase I’ve ever written) went to the museum together. One of the stops was in the children’s section, there was a... a pegboard, I think? With some kind of problem on it. A puzzle. Me and a couple others sat down at it, and it took me a while, but eventually I solved it, and I looked up.

I blinked. “Where is everybody?” I said.

“They left,” said my mom. “Half an hour ago.”

I was stunned. “Half an hour ago?! But I couldn’t’ve spent more than ten minutes on this!”

“I promise you, it was half an hour.”

“Why didn’t you call me?? Why didn’t you say my name?”

“We did. Several times.”

To this day, I will swear myself blind that I never heard a thing.

Hyperfocusing. They’ll tell you about the problems focusing; oh yes. They’ll tell you allll about that one. But they won’t tell you about the flip side of it. They won’t tell you about the times when the rest of the world falls away, and the only two things in the world are you and whatever problem you’re trying to solve.

D’y’know what, I bet that’s the reason I test well. I just realized this now, phrasing it like that, but--I’ve always tested well, even when my actual practical applications of things are mediocre I do well with the classroom testing on it. I scored a 39 on the MCAT, back when it was out of 45 and not whatever it is now. (To those with the plain good sense not to want to be doctors: that’s pretty good.) And I just bet it’s because, once I get focused on solving the problems, the other problems--nerves, intrusive thoughts, anxiety--just don’t have room to get in. Hyperfocusing can be a superpower, if you can harness it.

But it can also blind you to everything else. And it works in smaller ways, too: once I think I understand something, it is very difficult for me to perceive information that contradicts that understanding. I still get the map of the Elflands backwards every time I read The Goblin Emperor, just because I pictured it one way, and every indication in the text that it was the other way just fell on deaf ears.

And this one leads right into the next, which is Rejection Sensitivity Disorder. RSD is hyperfocus, but it’s hyperfocus on how everyone must hate you. It’s delightful! I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, as well, and I do have both of those things, but for my money, I think that this one symptom of ADHD--which no doctor has ever even mentioned to me--has hurt me more than both of those conditions combined.

The last one I’m going to bring up is Auditory Processing Disorder. Now, I’ve gone and gotten re-diagnosed twice in my life, and the last time was just a few years ago, so they actually used this one in the test. The psychologist told me about it, she just didn’t use the phrase Auditory Processing Disorder, and she didn’t tell me that it was its own symptom--she just used it for the test.

What she did was, she gave me two hearing tests, one to test whether or not I could hear, and then the other a list of words that all sounded alike, and I had to mark which one I was hearing. The second part of that was very long, and very boring, and despite scoring perfectly on the first test, I got several wrong on the second. I was actually surprised by that; I at no point suspected I had heard any of them wrong. When she gave me the test, told me this was proof by contradiction, that we were ruling out hearing loss as an alternative explanation for my difficulties. It was only after the test was done that she explained that the pattern I showed was actually part of the diagnosis of ADHD; that we get bored, and stop really paying attention, and that we don’t even know we’re doing it.

...Okay, but you couldn’t have mentioned the part where I also do that every day in real life, lady?!?! It’s not just when we’re bored, it’s not just for long processes. I do this all the time. I actually tell people now that “I actually have a neurological condition that makes it hard for me to hear; I can tell that you’re speaking, but I can’t tell what you’re saying.”

This is 100% true. It is a neurological condition.

We label this a condition, but as a society, we don’t treat it that way. Society treats it as yet another excuse. It’s not. You’re not lazy, stupid or crazy. Neither am I.

I have a condition. Acknowledging that is the first step of treatment. Not five thousand sticky notes, not binders or filing systems or even taking all the doors off the cupboards (although I definitely plan to do that one as soon as I possibly can). Not counselling sessions with so many different people I can’t even name them all, for the love of god please understand that you can’t just fix it with pills.

(Although mad props to the people who thought Concerta would magically solve me at the age of nine! Spoiler alert: it did not do that! But it did mean that my parents felt comfortable blaming me for all my failures again, so it did at least some of what it was designed for, I guess. :) )

I have spent the last few years re-understanding my ADHD it as is: a neurological condition, a disability, and a simple fact of life. A starting place, instead of yet more proof of my own inherent insufficiency. And you know what? When you take the blame and self-hatred out of the diagnosis--when you stop cursing it as the cause of all your problems and start trying to work with it, instead--it gets a lot easier to manage.

#laexploradoraaa

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cwnerd12 · 5 years ago

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Morning, David’s phone rings. David, lying in a comfortable-looking bed, a cast no longer on his arm, groans, rubs his face, and grabs his phone from the side table. He answers it, “Hello?” Monique’s voice, “I need you to bail me out.” David, “What? You aren’t supposed to be arrested any more!” Monique, “Oh, I’m allowed to perform drag, but the police are always there, and the moment one titty pops out, it’s an allegedly obscene performance.” David, “I am busy today. Jack’s coming home!” Monique, “It will only take you a few minutes to drop by the police station. I know you have the money, and I will still pay you back.” David, “All right, fine, I’ll be there.” He ends the conversation.

David opens the front door of his new apartment, perfectly prepared for Jack to come home to it. On the other side stands his new security detail, Randy, wearing his AFG jacket. Randy, “Good morning, sir.” David, “We have errands to run today.” Randy, “What kind of errands?” David, “Getting ready for Jack’s party, and some business I have to tend to.” Randy, “How are we getting ready for Jack’s party.” David, “We’re just picking a few things up-” He’s interrupted when the next door down opens, and Michele, wearing medical scrubs and carrying a stack of textbooks, walks out with her new security detail, Genevieve, in tow. Genevieve looks well-put together and professional in a pressed suit and tight bun, while Randy looks shabby in his old jacket and cargo pants. Michelle hurries down the hallway towards the elevators and David hurries after her, “Hey, Michelle!” She casts him an annoyed look, and says curtly, “David.” David, “Just making sure, you are coming to the party tonight, right? I mean, Jack will be pretty pissed if you don’t make it.” Michelle, “I’m volunteering at the clinic, and it usually keeps me late, but yes, I will try to make it to Jack’s party.” The elevator dings and the door slides open. They both get in, Genevieve and Randy following. David reaches to press the ground floor button, but Michelle gets it. They stand awkwardly in silence for a moment. Genevieve casts Randy a judgmental stare. David, “I finally finished getting the apartment ready a few days ago. I think Jack’s gonna love it. I worked really hard to make it into a place where he can be happy.” Michelle, “Yeah, that’s nice.” The door dings open, and Michelle and David step out into a parking garage. David, “How long are you going to stay mad at me, Michelle?” Michelle, “Until you find a way to un-fuck that girl.” Genevieve unlocks a large, shiny black security SUV. David, “Jack forgives me!” Michelle, “Yeah, well, Jack’s a lot more forgiving than I am.” David, “Come on!” Michelle opens the passenger door of the SUV, “I’m coming to your party. You can’t complain.” She gets in. David, “Michelle!” He looks on in dismay as the SUV backs out of the spot and drives away. Randy comes up behind him, “So what kind of errands are we running today?”

Inside a police station, David stands at the front desk with Randy behind him while a cop inspects his ID. Cop, “Soooo… the man who wants to be king is here to pick up a queen.” David, “Monique is an artist trying to make a living, and can you just go get her, please?” Cop, “Fine.” He goes back into the holding area, and comes out with Monique, her wig lopsided and her heels in her hand. Monique, “Thank you, David.” David, “Don’t worry about it.” They go outside. David, “Do you have cab money?” Monique, “No, I can get an Uber.” David, “I don’t mind taking you back to your apartment.” Monique, “You already bailed me out.” David, “Please?” Monique, “Fine. Twist my arm.” They walk down the block towards the parking lot. David, “I don’t get it. You’re able to legally perform, now, and everyone knows who you are. How are you making less money than you were before?” Monique, “Cops. They come, they keep an eye on everything. Bust anyone doing something they don’t like. Used to be much freer when they weren’t around.” David, “I’ll talk to Reinhardt.” Monique, “Oh, bitch, please, you really think he’s gonna pay any attention to you?” David, “He does.” Monique, “As long as the AFG has control over the MSS building, he’s got nothing to do. Besides, this is Shiloh PD, not MSS.” David, “Reinhardt can still pull a few favors, okay?” Monique, “Can and will are two different things.” Behind them, Randy says, “Shit.” Down the street, a paparazzo snaps pictures. Randy looks at David, “You might want to think carefully about what we’re gonna do for the rest of the day.”

David follows Monique down the hallway of a shitty apartment building. Monique, “You don’t have to follow me to my door.” David, “I thought I’d drop in and say hi to Shay.” Monique reaches her door and unlocks it, “All right. You have a good day, David.” David, “Oh, did you get a chance to finish Jack’s gift?” Monique, “Yes, don’t you worry about that. I’ll have it wrapped in time for the party.” David, “Thanks!” Monique enters her apartment, and shuts the door behind her. David sighs and looks at the closed door. He walks down the hallway, and knocks on another door. Shay answers, “What? Oh, hey, David.” David, “I had to bail Monique out this morning.” Shay, “Again?” David, “Yeah.” Shay, “You know this is against the amnesty terms, right?” David, “Talk about it with Abby.” Shay, “You know it’s only a matter of time before Abner declares the amnesty invalid, right?” David, “Abner knows that the AFG stands ready to defend itself. Besides, you’ve seen the numbers, you know he’s not going to go picking fights with us while he’s still fighting Gath and Ammon.” Shay, “He will.” David sighs with annoyance, “Look, I’m not dealign with that today, okay? Jack is coming home, to the beautiful apartment I put together for him, and everything’s gonna be really nice! That’s all I’m focusing on!” Shay, “Well, when you’re ready to focus on what the rest of us are focusing on. I’ll see you later tonight, okay?” David sighs, “Yeah, I’ll see you later, I guess.” Shay shuts the door. David turns around and gestures to Randy, “Come on.”

Outside the apartment building, the paparazzo has been joined by another one. They snap wildly as David and Randy get into the SUV.

In another shitty apartment building, Jessie answers the door to David and Randy. David, “Hey, Mom.” Jessie, “Come in, come in, I want to show you what I’ve done!” David follows her into a small, shabby apartment, where seven immaculate pies lie on the kitchen counter. Jessie, “Is seven pies enough?” David gawks, “Oh my god, Mom!” Jessie, “You said Jack likes chocolate, right? I made a french silk pie, which I’ve never done before, but I think it turned out fine!” David, “There isn’t going to be that many people there!” Jessie, “Oh, everyone loves pie!” David, “Yeah, but it’s just a small homecoming party! Not a coronation ball!” Jessie, “I don’t think you’ve ever complained about having too much pie.” David, “Yeah, well, that was before I had to figure out how to fit all these pies into the back of my car, along with the rest of the catering, without spilling.” Jessie, “I’ll bring the pies!” David, “You don’t have a car!” Jessie, “I’ll take an uber!” David sighs and sits down, “All right, I give up! You can bring the pies!” Jessie sits down across from him, “I knew you’d relent. I was worried that crummy little oven in there wouldn’t be able to handle it, but it did just fine.” David looks around the tiny apartment, “Mom, you have to let me get you a nicer apartment. Jack’s still a prince, and he owns CrossGen! He has all this money, it needs to go to something good!” Jessie, “I’m perfectly happy here. I don’t like taking money I haven’t earned.” David, “Mom, you have earned it!” Jessie, “I don’t like just sitting around. I like having a job.” David, “Bagging groceries part time?” Jessie, “I meet people! Sometimes they recognize me as your mom!” David, “You deserve better, Mom.” Jessie, “Well, what else am I supposed to do? Without the farm to run and boys to look after, I’m useless! Bagging groceries is better than just sitting around and watching TV all day.” David, “All right. I should know better than to argue with you.” Jessie, “Oh, David. How are you doing?” David, “I’m fine.” Jessie, “Have you been talking to that doctor?” David, “Yes, and he says I’m doing really well.” Jessie sighs, “I just worry about you, baby.” David, “I’m actually doing well. It’s pretty amazing what ending a war can do for your mental health.” Jessie, “You aren’t disappointed, are you?” David, “What? I’m with Jack! I never wanted to be king in the first place, I’m perfectly happy!” Jessie, “All right. I’m your mother, I can’t help but worry.” David, “You don’t need to worry about me any more, Mom.” Jessie, “That never stopped me.”

Back in the SUV, Randy says, “Where to next?” David, “Picking up some catering for the party.” Randy, “I’ll take you back to the apartment and get someone to pick it up for you.” David, “What? The deli’s just up ahead, it’ll be much easier just to get it.” Randy glances in his rearview mirror where a small cluster of paparazzi now snaps pictures, “We’ve got paps on us, man.” David, “I’m just picking up some sandwich trays! How boring can you get?!” Randy, “Really, we should just head back.” David, “No! I am not going to let those assholes harass me out of a nice, normal life!” Randy, “It’s not about-” David cuts him off, “I am not so pretentious I can’t go buy my own food, okay?! I want to be able to live my life and enjoy it! It’s enough that I have to go everywhere with a security detail-” he catches himself and calms down, “I mean, I know you’re just doing your job and you’re ready to jump in front of a bullet for me and all, but it’s kind of a lot to get used to.” Randy shakes his head, "Whatever you say, man.”

David goes up to the counter of a deli. A girl, Leslie, counts money at the cash register. David, “Hi, I’m here to pick up an order for David.” Leslie doesn’t look up, “Yeah, hang on,” she looks up, “Oh, shit! Oh, fuck! Sorry!” David, “It’s okay.” Leslie, “I’m sorry it’s just… the guy I had a crush on in high school was in the AFG… He got killed at Nob. So it’s kind of crazy to see you here.” David, “Can I just get my food, please?” Leslie, “Oh, yeah, sorry!” She hurries to the back. David stands there awkwardly, while other people try not to stare at him. Leslie hurries back, holding three stacked food plates. Leslie, “Okay, one regular sandwich plate, one kosher sandwich plate, a cheese plate, and a fruit and veggie plate, right?” David, “Yeah.” He hands Leslie his card. Leslie, “So… What you got planned?” David, “Just a little get-together.” A co-worker speaks up behind Leslie, “Prince Jack is leaving the hospital!” Leslie, “Oh, seriously? Aaaw! Oh my god, you two have such a sweet story! You make me believe in true love!” David, “Are you gonna give me my card back?” Leslie, “Sorry!” She hands him his card. He sticks it back in his wallet. Leslie, “Can I get a selfie?” Before David can answer, she turns around and snags a selfie. In the background, Randy laughs. David, exasperated, “I have to get going.” He grabs the food and hurries out.

As David tries to load the trays of food into the SUV, a crowd of paparazzi snap his picture.

In his apartment, David navigates how to fit the food into a very full fridge. Behind him, Abby says, “So she just fucking made seven pies?” David, “That’s Mom for you. You and Michelle can take some of the leftovers. I know you both hate cooking.” He shuts the fridge door. Abby, “Okay, so when am I supposed to start getting shit out of the fridge?” David, “I dunno, when people start showing up, I guess.” Abby, “Are you sure Jack will be up for a party?” David, “Well, we’re not exactly throwing a massive rager. We don’t even have alcohol, Jack can’t drink any more, that causes seizures! Besides, if getting out of the hospital after five months doesn’t warrant a party, what does?” Abby, “Alright, alright…” she thinks for a moment, “So, are you sure that you’re ready for all this?” David, “Yeah. It’s just a party.” Abby, “No, I mean like, Jack being home. Taking care of him.” David, “Absolutely. I’m ready to devote my life to just Jack. I want this.” Abby nods apprehensively, “Okay.” David, “What?” Abby, hesitant, “Michelle is worried that Jack’s gonna come home, and whenever he has a seizure, you’re gonna have a huge panic attack like you did at the hospital.” David, “That only happened once. I didn’t know what was going on!” Abby, “Yeah, Michelle said you’d say that. She said she told you about his seizures and exactly what happens, and you still freaked out.” David, “I’m not gonna freak out again, okay? I’m prepared this time, and I’ve been working with Dr. Othman. Besides, it’s not the seizures that I worry about, it’s the headaches. He’ll get up after a seizure, the headaches knock him flat.” There’s a knock at the door. David looks at his watch, “Shit, it’s early!” Abby, “It might be Frankie. He’s not great with clocks.” David goes over to the door and answers it. Beth stands on the other side, behind Randy. Randy, “She says she knows you but won’t tell me her name.” David, “Oh, shit.” Beth, “It’s nice to see you, too, David.” Randy, “So you do know her?” David, “Yes.” Abby looks over at the door, “Oh. Fuck. Yeah, I’m getting out of here. Good luck, David” She awkwardly slides past David and Beth and disappears. David, to Randy, “Let her in.” Beth steps into the apartment, and David shuts the door. David, “What- what are you doing here?” Beth, “I was in town. I wanted to see you.” David, “Um, Jack is coming home today, so if you want to say anything to me, you’re gonna have to make it quick.” Beth, “Yeah, I know. And don’t worry.” She looks around at the lux decor, “This is nice.” David, “Yeah. Jack… Jack has a lot of money.” Beth sits down and looks around. David, “So, um, where- where have you been? I tried asking around after Council, everyone said you’d left.” Beth, “I went back to Carmel.” David, “Okay. Wh- what are you doing here?” Beth looks David square in the eye, “David, you got me pregnant.” David sinks down into a chair, numb with shock, “I- I… What?! I- I always used protection!” Beth, “Yeah, you never did check the expiration date on those condoms, did you?” David gapes at her, still utterly stunned. Beth, “I had an abortion two days ago. It’s why I’m here in Shiloh.” David’s heart shatters. He tries to swallow the hard lump in his throat, but it won’t go down, “Wh- Why are you telling me this?” Beth, “I thought you deserved to know. You deserve to know that I could have ruined you, but I didn’t.” David, “I- thank you. I think.” Beth, “I thought about it. I really did. I could make your infidelity known to the whole world. But I don’t want that. I joined the AFG because I wanted to take my place in history. I don’t want that place to forever be the girl who fucked David Shepherd.” David, “Beth, I am sorry.” Beth, “Yeah, well, tell that to Ryan.” David, “If you loved him so much why the fuck did you sleep with me?!” Beth shakes her head, “You really have no idea, do you? The way you affect people. What people will just blindly give to you. How easy it is to fall in love with you.” David, “I have said from the very beginning that I love Jack.” Beth, “Your mouth said that. Your dick said something else.” David stares, silenced. Beth, “So it looks like you get what you want. Fuck everyone else, right? Who cares what all they sacrificed for? You’re fine. You have your boyfriend and a nice apartment, and you don’t have to worry about being king,” she sniffs, “I’m going back to Carmel. I hope I never see you again,” She stands up, “I’m lucky. I get to walk away. You don’t get to ruin my life completely.” She leaves. David sits by himself, stunned and silent. After a few long moments, Abby enters, “David, what the fuck was that?” David, “Nothing.” Abby, “Seriously? Nothing?” David shakes his head, “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

Sundown, back in the SUV, David stares morosely out the passenger window as Randy drives. Randy, “Hey, listen-” David, “Not now, okay? I mean, I’m trying not to be an asshole, but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now.” Randy sighs, “Sure thing.”

David walks into the lobby of the rehab center, where Jack’s suit-wearing palace security team waits for him. The lead guy says into his earpiece, “Boyfriend is here.” David, “Where’s Jack? I want to get out of here.” Guy, “In his room. We have a few last-minute changes in the plan we need to make.” David, “We’re just going home, how complicated does it have to be?” Guy, “Our orders are to bring the prince to his new residence without him being seen.” David rolls his eyes, “Whatever. Just let me go see him.”

Guy leads David down a hallway. One of the doors is open. Jack waits sitting in a wheelchair in a room full of security guys. He sees David coming and smiles brilliantly, “Hey, babe!” David smiles back at him, and kisses him on the cheek, “Hi, Jack.” He stands up and looks at Jack’s security guys, “Can I have a moment alone with him, please?” The guys leave the room, and David shuts the door. He moves a seat over beside Jack’s wheelchair and sits down. Jack, sensing something’s up, “What?” David sighs, “Um, Beth showed up.” Jack knits his brow in concern. David, “It’s okay, I she’s…. she’s not pregnant. She, um. She had an abortion.” Jack doesn’t say anything. David, “I thought it would be better telling you than not telling you. She- she said she never wanted to see me again, and I believe her, so, hopefully that’s something we don’t have to worry about in the future.” Again, Jack doesn’t say anything. David sighs heavily, “Are you okay?” Jack, “Yeah.” David, “Are you mad at me?” Jack, “No.” David, “You’re allowed to be mad at me.” Jack, impatiently, “Home.” David, “I kinda wish you’d be mad at me.” Jack, “Home!” David, “Okay.” David gets up and opens the door. He says to to the security guy out there, “We’re ready to go.” Security guy, “It’ll still take a few minutes. We’ve got a few delays.”

Out in the lobby of the rehab center, Jack’s lead security guy strains to keep his patience as he explains to David, “We were anticipating a discreet exit, but our plans relied entirely on keeping the date of the prince’s release secret. Right now, there’s an army of paparazzi all eagerly awaiting their chance to snap a picture of you two leaving.” David, “What? Did somebody leak something?” Behind Security Guy, Randy speaks up, trying not to laugh, “They knew Jack was getting out soon and then they saw you bringing home a bunch of catering and realized there’s only one reason you’d be bringing home a bunch of catering.” David, “Oh.” Security guy, “Now we have to arrange three decoy vehicles so we can get you home safely!” Every single one of Jack’s security guys give David a dirty look. Randy, “I tried to warn you, man.”

David sits scrunched down in the back of an SUV, where he can’t be photographed. Jack lays down across the seats, his head in David’s laugh. David, “Oh my god, I’m such an idiot. This is all my fault.” Jack laughs. David, “It is my fault!” He looks up at the window above his head, which flashes with camera flashes. Jack reaches up and snakes his hand around the back of David’s head. He pulls him down and kisses him on the lips. David sighs and looks him in the eyes. Jack smiles at him. David, “I’m bringing you home.” Jack, “Home.”

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movedyourchair505 · 5 years ago

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Elana’s review:

Okay, hi, hi, Here we go again. I’ve opted for bullet points because I have a lot to say.

- You know I’m a fan of Mi being that bitch, with his binder and virgo ass coming out. And they’re fed up with it but also, nobody could do it better. - I wouldn’t expect Jade to be any less of a diva than she is and the references to it throughout make me laugh. Hate her. - The boys stressing over all of her decisions on the phone, everything she’s changed, is a lot. - “Wha'ever sheh wants, sheh gets.” A mood. - All the transitions are so effortless. - He’s so hot doing his mixology in his robe. - I love the insight we get into what she’s thinking too throughout this chapter. - I always love when she’s shorter without her heels. They’re so soft and attentive here. - The adamance about the Candy Kane is the best. He really can’t deny her anything. - I want a Valentina right now ugh. Sounds soooo good. - He’s so cute with the “Yeh’re me fookin’ … fook, I luv yeh” I see him so perfectly here. - I love baby boy being so stressed about the suit fitting and wanting to match her. He’s still so paranoid and tineh about everything. Extra swearing, pacing, being snappy. - Love how there’s multiple uses of his go-to “I’m Alexander Turner” but the difference in tone with each is so good. - The suit is perfect. Miles crying is me. - Every description of a place is stunning. So proud of you for those visual images. Couldn’t have attempted it. - The way he announces that they’re getting married to his parents is so NN Alex. So much stress over nothing. Jade’s like ‘okay, we’re doing this now?’ - Penny’s reaction is perfect and David’s, quoting him back to himself from chapter three made my heart do a flip. “Stunnin’.” That’s when I knew I was hooked. - That soft/fluffily smutty moment with them in bed is a lot. My favourite moment from this. JADE VALENTINA TURNER. THE BEST. - She’s such an attention bitch in all the dresses and I love it about her. - Miles and Jade writing vows together is so pure. Miles is so pleased to hear all these things about his husband. - That kiss is hotttt. Like they cannot handle being apart for more than a few seconds and I love it. Alex would have had her right there but Miles has no time for it. Alex’s growl ugh. Weak. - She’s so dramatic realising she can’t have sex with him. Me everyday. - The magic of her bachelorette party is incredible. Like that sexual energy and the music and drinks, I can feel it all. And our poor baby, just so turned on and frustrated by naked men and women everywhere. - Alex’s party is a lot. The purple suit, the cigar. His being pissed off because he can’t have the dance he wants. You describe his expressions here so well. It’s so hot and I don’t know why. - I love drunk Alexander Turner. His thought process is so him but slightly fucked and that’s so authentic. - “Kane fookin’ schmane.” That is all. - I got so lost in that moment when he comes home, their eagerness even in the dark. That kiss was hot, the things he said were rude and it was just in general A* content. “Tha’s me gorgeous fookin’ girl…” Weak. Being so demanding and rude, talking about himself and only pushing her on to work harder because he knows she wants to. HOT. And angel. UMMMMMM. Crying. - They’re so in love it hurts.

As always, perfection. Babe, I’m so incredibly proud of you for posting despite everything, all the doubts and worries. You carried out this so perfectly, all these tineh flashback moments worked so well within the meeting and you still managed to make everything feel overwhelmingly sensical and tangible. This story means so much to me, more than you could ever know and I’ll never get over how well planned and thought out every moment between them is. It’s exaggerated (obviously, it’s an AU) but it’s still Alex underneath it all and even Mafia baby is incredible endearing and I desperately want to be in his head. Jade is annoyingly perfect but not in a Mary Sue, boring or unrealistic way, in a funny, exaggerated and entertaining way, I really do hate and love her simultaneously. I love you so much. Thank you for another masterpiece (and for allowing me to make an NN cameo). Interaction fookin’ smaction, eh? 💞💞💞

Babeeee, you’re the loveliest!! You brought so many good descriptions and lines into this and yet again, you helped me so much and I cannot stress enough that this is as much your story as it is mine, I wouldn’t be able to write it without you and it would only be half of what it is now without you. Thank you for always quoting the lines you enjoyed most and telling me your favourite bits, reassuring me that I managed to describe him in a way that is hot enough to be frustrating. The fact that they give you reactions telling me how you feel about them, being annoyed, hating them, loving them, being desperate for Alex, all of that is so encouraging because it’s a huge compliment that they have that kind of effect! Even if no one else wanted to read about them, I would probably continue to write them just for the two of us because it’s so fun discussing them with you and I always look forward to your reaction! Thank you for always taking the time to point out everything and going through the effort of bullet points here and just reviewing everything.

You support means the world to me and I love you so much. You’re so inspiring to me. 💕💕

#she went off again #submission #love you babe xxx #put this as a text post so I could add the read more and not spoil anything xx

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blossomingx · 6 years ago

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Aside from watching the reputation stadium tour last night, this entire weekend has been HORRIBLE. So I’m just going to rant a little to blow off some steam.

Friday - the day before the concert - I plan to do all the last minute things I need so I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I double check my room reservations, flights, rental, tickets... all the necessary things. I got my eyebrows threaded and it’s a new lady at the place I go to, and even tho I was hesitant on weather or not I should do them with her, I still did. Big. Mistake. She CUT MY EYELID. I was full on bleeding. And to top it off, she thinned the hell out of them after I told her NOT TO. Everyone with a face knows that bad eye brows equal a bad time. So there’s Bad Thing #1.

Next day, we get up early and make our flight in time. Everything is going smoothly. My sisters came with me and we always fight. But I guess the excitement of seeing Taylor kept us in a good mood. So, we land in Dallas and o call to confirm my rental (just to be EXTRA sure) and the dude says there’s no reservation for me for that day even though I paid for it over the phone when I booked. He said he’d return my money. Uh! I need a car! So, now we have to bust out money for an Uber. There’s Bad Thing #2.

Finally we figure out how to work Uber (we never used it before because is not available in our town) and we get to our hotel. We got a good rate for a night, so when the receptionist tells me to hand my card over and she will be charging me TRIPLE what I booked the room at, I flipped out. Bad Thing #3. (Side note: after yelling like a psychotic mother we got our room at the price I initially booked it at, but still. It took some arguing and embarrassment.)

We finally get ready and head over to the AT&T Stadium. Got there just in time with a few minutes before doors open, and didn’t even have to wait in the heat for long before we got in. FINALLY WE’RE HERE and it’s such a relief! We get in line to buy merch and the whole time the family behind us are talking about how ridiculous it is that a whole group of 4 girls are in front of them. (We were that group.) Why, I don’t know. The lines were long everywhere, and to say that lines existed at all is a lie. It was a crowd of people pushing and shoving trying to get to the front. And for some reason, it was OUR fault for the huge crowds and unidentifiable lines. Standing in line with a obnoxious parent behind us brings us to Bad Thing #4.

We get to our seats and are enjoying the environment, you know, getting hyped for Charlie XCX to come out. We were on the side where people are going back and forth from back stage to the front, so we try to get their attention in hopes of getting upgraded to the pit. A group in front of us got upgraded by chance and we were a bit upset because they were just sitting there on their phones and we were actually enjoying ourselves. The same man that upgraded them came up to us and told us he’d be back to get us in to the pit. We were EXCITED. We were actually going to get to be in the pit! He said he’d return so we waited.. and waited... and waited... he never returned. We were heart broken! Just our luck I guess. Bad Thing #5.

Charli XCX comes out and she was great! We didn’t know all her songs but her set was great and I loved her energy. Crowd was so loud already; I couldn’t wait for Taylor any longer. Suddenly three girls drink out of their minds pile into one seat next to me and are bumping and grinding on themselves - and on me - while Charli is performing and it kills my mood big time. I don’t know why or how they got away with that, but they did. As soon as her set was done, they disappeared. But they managed to leave behind their beer all over my shoes. Great. Bad Thing #6.

Camila is next and my sisters and I agree to ignore what happened and not let it ruin the night. Camila comes out and two of the three girls come back. One of the girls seems a bit out of it, but we don’t let her keep our attention. Camila was soooo great I loved her set so much! You can see her emotion during her performance and just how passionate she is about her music. I loved her! During her last song, I felt a huge hit in my thigh and look to see it’s the girl that was completely out of it. Her head. Was on. My. Freaking. Thigh. What in the world?! I pushed her off only to realize she is passed out wasted. Bad Thing #7.

During the intermission between Camila & Taylor, this girl is making a scene for herself. Her friend is telling her to eat or drink something, but she won’t budge. I’m livid. Is this really going to be the person that ruins what I’ve been looking forward to for the past year!? Her friend is yelling now. “Get up!! What the fuck are you doing?! I hate you! GET UP!” You guessed it people, this girl was on the floor. Our entire section is freaking out. Security is now surrounding this girl. She isn’t awake anymore, but she isn’t asleep either. Security told us that as soon as she stands up we need to tell them so the can escort her out immediately. Once security leaves, the functioning girl full on BEGS us not to call them because she loves Taylor and blah blah blah. I wasn’t having it. So this mess of a scene is Bad Thing #8.

The group behind me taps my shoulder and says to me - jokingly, “you’re on baby sitting duty tonight!” Uh, what? Hell no I’m not. I quickly responded “she’s moot my friend and I didn’t pay $200 to watch some one that can’t handle alcohol” and they gasp. What did they want me to say, yesill watch her? HELL NO. Anyway, Taylor comes out -FINALLY. We see her right as she walks into the stage then the lights go down and we’re screaming for Taylor. The moment is finally here! I’m looking forward to the intro because it is ICONIC. I press record on my phone and 20 seconds in I hear and feel it all over my legs and feet. Yup, she just vomited. All over me. I’m PISSED at this point I could punch her in the face. I missed the whole intro. Her friend is yelling I HATE YOU STUPID BITCH and yelling at me PLS DONT CALL SECURITY. What was I supposed to do!? Bad Thing #9.

Taylor was amazing. Breathtaking show. It was literally sooooo perfect. & I love to record everything so I couldn’t wait to replay the show when I got to the hotel room. After an hour of repetitive Uber cancellations (Bad Thing #10), we finally get to our room. I’m looking for my favorite performances of Taylor so I can post, and in every single video you can hear this girl yelling at her drunk friend about how much she hates her. Every! Single! Video! I have no good content except for my memory. Bad Thing #12.

Next morning (today) we miss our flight because someone in our flight security line was making a scene. Greaaaat. They couldn’t let us go and handle the man on the side? Nope. They make countless people miss their flights. Bad Thing #13.

So now I’m writing thing long post because we’re on stand by for the remainder of the day praying we get to go home today. I just want this weekend to end. I miss my kids!!! If you got this far down my post, I’m going to assume you’re bored, or you are evil and find humor in the awful weekend I’m still experiencing. I’ll feel better when I’m home!!!

#taylor swift #this trip was crazy #i wanna go home #i still have vomit on my shoes #someone pray for me #rep tour dallas #rep tour arlington #night 2 #taylurking

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lightskinvibe · 7 years ago

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Why I only act like a fangirl for GOT7

-They're not just GOT7. They're VISUAL7, TALENTED7, AEGYO7, LIT7, FUCKITUPPP7, EVERYTHINGAMAZING7 -But no really do y'all pay attention to their looks?? -NONE OF THEM LOOK BAD EVER. NOT EVEN STOP STOP IT ERA THEM -BamBam is a dank meme -But JB is too -And Mark lowkey -Don't forget Yugyeom -Actually let's just say they all are -The Naruto run in that one interview -Mark, Jackson and JB fly and twirl in the sexiest ways -OKAY BUT HAVE YOU EVER PAID ATTENTION TO THE MUSIC THEY LISTEN TO IN THE BACKGROUND OR THE STUFF YUGYEOM DANCES TO?? THEY LISTEN TO DRAKE AND JEFF BERNAT AND BRYSON TILLER LIKE I CANNOT EVEN 😩 -Yugyeom makes every stage he comes on pregnant -Like honestly, yes his sexy dance is sexy af no lie, but do y'all see how this guy never missed a beat? He catches EVERY BEAT IN THE SONG LIKE HIS DANCE ABILITY IS RIDICULOUS -But let me not leave out Jinyoung and JB's skills because dayum have you seen their moves? -And Jackson's -And Mark's -And Youngjae's -They all dance so well it hurts like I live for the choreography and their songs. I want to learn to dance to them all -All of their smiles. Because I feel the sun shine brighter when they smile. Like each one has their own unique smile and all of them are beautiful -BamBam pre glo and after glo. Both are just perfect -Jackson's fucking powerful ass freestyles. Like he's goofy af but he's really got the moves. Go Wang Puppy -Mark can fly -Mark is the visual out of a group of visuals -Mark's hairstyles -Mark's dancing. Really guys, who the hell said he was the weakest? Cause in every dance video, my eyes somehow get drawn to Mark at some point and I have to rewind because he drew me in with his dancing -Like before I noticed Mark, I noticed Mark's dancing -"Who's the red head with the moves? 👀" -His personality shows in his moves. They're fluid and easy going and it looks so easy to follow his moves. Until you actually try to -Then you realize these guys work hard af and Mark has the moves -Jackson with his hair down -He's literally a puppy. I mean a giant puppy for real -But then again they all kinda are -Except for Jinyoung -He reminds me of a kitten -And Yugyeom reminds me of a Golden Retriever sometimes and then a mouse the other -Cause Tom&Jerry -Jinyoung's dorky laugh -Jackson's high pitched laugh -The fact that when Mark laughs, it sounds like he's a child at a park having the most amazing time on the merry go round -It's so giddy and precious and makes him so innocent -HIT THE STAGE YUGYEOM -The migratory bird's laugh -BamBam's breathless laugh -JB's geek laugh -Youngjae laughs like a child being chased by the tickle monster -Yet another person who laughs like a kid having the time of his life -The fact that Youngjae is sunshine otter -The fact that no one can ever really rank members without feeling somewhat discontent because they're all so good at everything like -The rap line sings really well. Jackson is the most confident which shows in his voice. BamBam comes in second with that because he prefers to sing off key purposely to be the meme he is. And then Mark is just a shy bean. It's so cute and I know you're busy squealing at his cuteness and laughing till it hurts at BamBam, but really listen to them -Cause Mark and BamBam have the fucking vocals -While we're on the subject of vocals, JB's voice is so strong and soulful -Like you can tell that man listens to Musiq Soulchild because his voice carries alot of R&B traits -Youngjae made me think of Elliot Yamin the first time I heard his voice and then I find out he likes Elliot Yamin -Not saying they sound like them, but the music you listen to impacts how your voice sounds. And they both have very strong emotional R&B type voices -Lemme not leave Jinyoung out though -I can't really pinpoint a single genre for Jinyoung's voice. -But his voice has alot of emotion and soul -It's soooo underrated -Like have y'all heard his voice in Mr. Chu's chorus? Or in the Japanese version of Stay? Or in This Star?? -Which he wrote -Speaking of which, they write alot of their songs -And they're hits -All over the world -Jinyoung and Yugyeom's choreography skills -Jinyoung's acting -JB's acting - I love both but like... Jinyoung really gives me fucking chills -The fact that they took one of their self made memes and made it into a lit ass song -Youngjae's engrish -Youngjae period -The fact that so many people claim Youngjae is a weak dancer, when I can't seem to find this weak dancer -Like he can move forreal. He's shy about it but he can. He's weak with freestyle and that's cause he's shy. But weak dancer? Where?? Je n'ai comprend pas -Jinyoung's facial expressions -Mark's facial expressions -Both really speak well with their faces -Like Mark can just give a look and you just know what he has to say without him saying it -BamBam's cooking skills -Markson being bilingual on Star King -Like they remind me of two mischievous brothers. I can't ship them as anything but brothers honestly -Like they make me think of a cooler Zack and Cody -Mark is calm quiet -Jackson is loud and rowdy -They're like Yin Yang actually -Mark is calm and quiet but he has hyper and loud within him as well -And Jackson is the opposite -But back to the brothers thing. They're like two smart ass twins who cause good natured trouble -A little like Hikaru and Karou from OHSHC -Dream High 2. -Dream Knight -"A" Teasers -Their reactions to all 3 -Their reaction to Jackson's YouTube video on Weekly Idol -The fact that when Mark gets shy or overwhelmed, he unconsciously clings to or hides behind something -Or someone -Someone like the giant Maknae -They have a giant maknae -Jackson on Roomate -When Jackson's parents came on Christmas -Y'all I'm not an easy crier. But I was bawling -Because Jackson, despite how popular and rowdy and everywhere he is -He's still this amazing kid who loves to be in mommy's arms -He loves his parents so much -The way he lights up with them -I saw a clip where he was in between both his parents -He couldn't keep the smile off his face -Even when he wasn't smiling you felt the light and smile radiating from him -Speaking of smiles... Jackson has bunny teeth -It's so precious -Mark has shark teeth -I have a thing for guys with pretty eyes and pretty smiles so when Mark and Jackson smile... Jesus -JB's eyes. They're extremely cute. Especially when he's in puppy mode (Puppy mode=Hair down and in it's natural state) -The fact that BamBam puts on makeup, but then takes it off and looks the exact same -Except tanner. Which isn't bad at all because his skin tone looks amazing on him -BamBam's legs -Yugyeom's legs -Mark's butt and legs -Jackson's thighs -The fact that Jinyoung is a tease with the clothes he wears showing he does in fact have this bomb ass body but never taking off his clothes and showing us said body -But that's okay because these boys don't need to strip to bring appeal to them. We die when they just breathe -The fact that this could go on forever because they're really amazing and everything. -I'll state a few more and then go to sleep cause it's 4am and bitch I'm dying -Flight Log. All three. Beautiful. -The guitar playing in Flight Log: Departure ( DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I CAN LISTEN TO A FULL COVER CAUSE I REALLY HAVE A THING FOR ACOUSTIC GUITAR AND PIANO) -Youngjae's trance when he plays piano -Yugyeom's trance when he dances -JB and Jinyoung's trance when they sing -Mark's trance period -They love what they do so much that it makes me happy to understand how much they love it -The aura when Yugyeom is being a lil shit and goofing off around his hyungs vs. His aura when he's performing his dance moves -Like Hit The Stage had me shook. His whole aura changed. Maknae my ass. He became daddy -The fact that I can say alot about GOT7 without sounding too creepy or too mature because I was born in 1999 -Youngjae's shyness -Everytime they're on Weekly Idol -Everytime they're on a variety show period -Law Of The Jungle -Mark's Hyper Time -IGOT7 -REAL GOT7 -Just right summer -Youngjae is a visual -GOT7 dissing 2PM -Their reaction when a member of 2PM came out while they were dissing them -Like they all screamed and ran to the other side of the studio like toddlers. So precious -The fact that within the first 5 minutes of IGOT7 episode one, BamBam had us swooning by moving to shyly stand in the corner cause he was overwhelmed by all the cameras -Signal to their pastselves -"ANDWEE?!! ANDWEEEE!!" *Voice cracks* -"This is 2015." " It's 2016." 0.0... "They said it's 2016." -Jackson going off on himself in 3 different languages -"Do you even understand what I'm saying right now?? STUDY KOREAN." -"RAMEYOOOOON (Furious)" -" NEVER ACT CUTE" -"Here.... It is 2016. And you are.....living a really boring life. Do something. Whatever... *Smiles pitifully*" -"Better just not make a comeback period." -DON'T FALL ASLEEP IN THE HAIR SALON -Jinyoung is an little devil -"Did you hear that? He said he's going to kill me." -Jackson's heart -Mark tried to save a fan from a falling light fixture -The fact that Mark is an idol but is so humble and down to earth -"Don't just walk off. Make sure the cameras see you too." -Mark, who cares not for appearing on broadcast, but on being a helpful silent hardworking child. Bless him -Idol life never changed any of them. They're all humble great boys. -"Hyung! Do you believe in me?!" "YES!" "...BUT I WOULD LIKE TO APPEAR ON BROADCAST!" -"BABYBABYBABYBABY-BABYBABY!" -Follow Me -Yugyeom and BamBam are fanboys -They're the best of friends -It's beautiful to watch how close they are -All of them really -No one is left out -They are the definition of "Ohana means family and family means 'No one gets left behind'" -Stan them and everything about them -Because these 7 dorks... The way they are. The things they do. They not only entertain you, but they make you wanna be great too. It's amazing really -They are

#I left alot out but I'm sleepy #GOT7 #im jaebum #mark tuan #jackson wang #kim yugyeom #bambam #stan talent #hit the stage #choi youngjae #park jinyoung #jyp entertainment #dream high

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diyunho · 8 years ago

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The Joker x Reader - “Smarty Pants”

He takes you everywhere with him; you sure come in handy and you have an impeccable reputation when it comes to your skills. But why would he think that a nerdy girl can’t get wild?! Well, you are determined to prove him wrong.

Your reading is interrupted by the commotion going on outside your bedroom: gunshots, screaming, cursing and doors being kicked opened.

What now?! you think, turning the page, continuing your book when you hear:

“Nyx! NYX!!!!!!!!! Where the hell are you, you son of a bitch?!”

You look down at Nyx’s dead body under your feet, a bit startled. That’s Mister J’s voice looking for the jerk; he’s probably not going to like this. Dammit! Your door gets kicked opened and you lift your head from your book, adjusting your reading glasses and look at The Joker, who’s now standing there, not very happy to say the least.

“Doll, I didn’t know you’re here,” he frowns, stepping inside. “Still working for the…ass..hole…” he notices Nyx’s corpse with the chopstick in his eye and your feet resting on top of the body.

“Not anymore, Mister J,” you close your book, hoping he won’t snap. “This was the second time he tried to rape me, so I had to defend myself,” you say, pulling out the chopstick, wiping it on your shirt and placing it back in your messy bun.

J narrows his eyes and lowers his gun.

“Can’t say that I blame you then, but I sure wanted to blow his brains out myself. What are you reading, Doll?” he exhales, still annoyed.

“Quantum Physics and Applications,” you show him the cover, smiling.

“Any good?” he squints his eyes, intrigued.

“Pretty boring actually but interesting enough,” you lift your shoulders and take your feet out of the high heels, getting up the couch. The shoes are left on Nyx’s chest since the hills are buried deep in his flesh.

“You’re such a smart Doll; I like clever girls…” he grins, analyzing you. “We’re going to blow this place up, care to get out of here?” The Joker sniffles, signaling you to move and you do so. You quickly cram a few books and all your reading glasses in your backpack and head out the door.

You probably seem very disappointed noticing all the blood on the hallway since you don’t have any shoes on.

“Yo, Frosty!” J yells and Jonny pops his head from the next room.

“Yes, sir!”

“Be a gentleman and help the lady out,” he orders, starting to walk away.

“Of course, boss. Hi, Y/N,” he comes in front of you, waiting.

“Hi, Frost, I didn’t see you in forever,” you genuinely grin, surprised. He lifts you up in his arms, carrying you over the soiled hallway while you’re both chit chatting.

“Hey, Doll,” The Joker interrupts, “ wanna come work for me? I assume you’re unemployed for the moment.”

“Really?” you inquire, kind of excited.

He turns and snaps at you: “I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure, OK????!!!!!”

Shit, he has such a temper, you think, but you are used to everything by now. You worked for so many messed up people.

“OK, Mister J. And yes, I will come work for you,” you sweetly smile and his sour expression diminishes.

“Good, I always wanted you to work for me. I like smart girls.” Didn’t he say this already?

******************

He takes you everywhere with him; you sure come in handy and you have an impeccable reputation when it comes to your skills.

“Y/N, am I getting a good deal out of this?” he taps his cane on the floor, getting you attention at the meeting and you lift your eyes up, gazing at all those men in the VIP room that devour you with their eyes. Creeps! You sure are wanted by a lot of them and you know it, but you have the right to decide who you’ll work for so… yeah, here you are.

“No, Mister J, the price of diamonds went up with 15% on the black market since last week. You need to get at least 1 million more in order for this to be a good deal.”

“Ahhhh, did you hear that boys? I’m getting screwed over! Make it two millions for trying to trick me,” he snarls, giving them a crazy look. “I don’t like it when people try to cross me, got it?” he grins his silver teeth, panting. They Know better than not to agree with The Clown Prince of Crime. He gets what he wants.

*******************

After the meeting, he sits in his armchair, keeping an eye on the club and staring you down also.

“What are you reading, Pumpkin?” he addresses you, biting on his lower lip.

“Dark Matter and Black Holes,” you reply, wondering why in the world he keeps on calling you all these pet names, but you know better than opening your mouth to protest about it.

“Care to elaborate?” J lifts himself up and comes on the couch, nonchalantly placing his head on your knees and lifting his feet up on the pillows.

“Are you sure?”

He rolls his eyes and you start talking and gesticulating because you sure don’t want to make him mad. The Joker finds himself interested in your little presentation; you sure put a lot of passion into it since you love the subject. He even asks a few questions that you are more than happy to answer, blushing when he takes your glasses off and you instinctively reach for your chopstick.

“Don’t you dare using that chopstick on me, Y/N,” he cracks his neck, growling.

“Oh my God, I am so sorry, old defensive habit, I swear I am not going to stab you in the eye; I really love your eyes!” you blur out fast, hoping his not going to kill you for your transgression. Shit, your cheeks are burning when you realize what came out of your mouth.

“Do you now, Kitten?” he snickers, putting your reading glasses back on.

You nod a fast yes, hoping you’re on steady ground. You wouldn’t know, but The Joker felt like he was taking a piece of lingerie off when he took your glasses away. It made him feel so strange and now he wonders if he found himself a new kink. Like he needs another one. But he sure loves all the colored frames you have to match all your sexy enough outfits (as he refers to them). You’re pretty and nerdy, not a bad combo.

“Tell me something in French, Doll,” he requests and you start talking, intrigued on why he’s taking your glasses off again. Weird but, hey, whatever.

“That sounds so sexy, what does it mean, huh?”

“Last night I washed dishes and did a bunch of laundry,” you chuckle, taking your glasses from his hand and placing them on his face. J doesn’t stop you and you gasp while he laughs at the translation; he sure thought it meant something naughty.

“Wow, Mister J, you look so good with glasses,” you utter, mesmerized. The thin green frames sure match his hair and shirt perfectly.

“You think so, Doll?” he winks and you get flustered, upset at yourself for saying such sweet nothings; you’re not the type. Stupid hormones! you scold yourself in your head, aggravated.

“U-hum,” you mumble and take your glasses back. Jesus, why do you feel so warm? It sure felt like you were undressing him just now when you took his glasses away. My God, please don’t let this be a new kink, you don’t need it, thank you.

The Joker traces your jaw line to tease you more because he’s a jerk:

“Tell me something in Italian, Y/N,” he pleads, biting his tongue. You can’t help but glare at his lips and start rambling.

“I like the way it sounds, Princess. What does it mean?”

“All the dirty things I want you to do to me tonight.” Did this crap just came out of your mouth?!

“Ha-ha-ha, that’s better, finally something I wanna hear,” he cracks up as you squirm, uncomfortable as hell.

“No, no, no, no, Mister J, that’s what it literally means, not that I want you to…Christ, this sounds terrible,” you try to defend yourself and J decides to give you a break. He gets up from your lap, still snickering and you so want to cover your face but you don’t. It would make it worse.

“I guess we had enough foreign languages for tonight, right? Let’s get back to the Penthouse, it’s getting late.”

***************************

“Y/N, am I getting a good deal out of this?”

“No,” you promptly answer, closing the book you’re reading. “The price of guns and explosives on the black market went up 17.2% this week. You need at least $500.000 for this to be a good deal.”

“Well, I’ll be damn,” he passes his fingers through his hair, snarling towards the other business partners in the room. “How did I get this rich on my own without her?! Make it 1 million boys, just for insulting me with your stupid offer!”

*************************

After another successful meeting (for The Joker, that is), he becomes interested in your book.

“And what are we reading today, hm?” he points towards the covers, coming over to your couch and placing his head in your lap again.

“The Science of Interstellar,” you hover over him, excited to share.

“Care to elaborate?”

“Oh, yeah, I love this book, “ and you keep on talking and talking and J finds himself immersed in the subject, not even being bored. He takes your glasses off again and inhales deeply, listening to the sound of your voice. Why does he keep on taking your glasses off?!

“Oh!!!” you suddenly jump a bit, ending your speech. “I love this song!”

“Huh?” The Joker asks, getting up because you bounce your legs, impatient. He never saw you show any interest in anything like this and you sure accompany him at his meetings a lot. Since he’s a complete jerk, he decides to wear your glasses and you gulp when seeing how good they look on him:

“Wow, Mister J, you look soooo stunning with glasses!”

“Yeah, I know, I was told before by a nerdy girl,” J licks his lips and you get up from the couch, take your jacket out and toss it in his lap, starting to swing your hips to the rhythm of the song. (which is Madonna & David Guetta- “Revolver” by the way).

What is she doing?! J asks himself, since you never did this before. You sure didn’t have any alcohol. It’s the hormones, but he wouldn’t know.

“My love’s a revolver, my sex is a killer,

Do you wanna die happy,

Do you wanna die happy?” you sing along and start giving him a lap dance he didn’t expect in a million years. Jeez, who thought you had it in you? But he likes it, oh yeah, he likes it because you are actually very good at it. He runs his hands on the side of your legs and you reach your hand for your chopstick. J sure wants to grab his gun but you stop him and lean over to whisper in his ear: “I’m not gonna use it, I told you I like your eyes…yes?” and you kiss him, euphoric, throwing the chopstick on the table to let your long red hair loose.

Holy shit, the Joker thinks, completely surprised by the whole thing. Who would have thought you are so naughty?! This is turning out to be a nice night, especially since he learned about Interstellar stuff also. He doesn’t remember a word you said earlier right now because you sure grind against him, ready to kiss him again.

“Ohhh, Daddy likes it,” he grins, smacking his lips and you straddle his lap, pulling on his bottom lip.

“Really?” you stare at his eyes again and…the song is over. “Ah, too bad,” you pout and get up, fixing your hair like nothing happened. “Shame is over, I sure love this song, it drives me wild,” you signal for your jacket and J hands it over, intrigued. WTF, are you the same person?! He’s sure aroused as hell.

“I didn’t think you could do such a thing, Doll,” J admits, attempting to cross his legs but he can’t so he gives up.

“Why, because I read books and I’m smart?!” you suddenly feel offended.

“A-ha,” he is fast in replying since he sees an opportunity there.

“You have no idea how crazy I’m in bed; don’t generalize things just because I’m a bookworm Mister J!” you sulk, furrowing your eyebrows.

“If you say so…” he rolls his eyes, reaching for your book.

“What, you don’t believe me?!” you kind of yell, even more annoyed.

The Joker just lifts his shoulders up, pretending to dismiss your words.

“You want me to prove it to you?!” you almost shout, antagonized at his attitude.

“If you insis..” J doesn’t get to finish because you yank his glasses away, pissed and wanting him in the same time, crushing his lips and tearing his shirt off while he struggles to be the dominant one (without success)for the first 15 minutes. That didn’t happen before but he admits he doesn’t mind it.

Thank God the music is deafening so nobody hears your moaning and screaming and his grunting because it would be very loud.

**********************

You watch him tuck his shirt in and you are just finishing up buttoning your tight capris.

You are panicking because now you realize what a bad idea this was. Sleeping with your boss?! Dammit, stupid hormones!!!

“You were sure telling the truth, Pumpkin, Daddy loved it,” he purrs, satisfied.

“What’s wrong?” he wants to know when he realizes you’re talking to yourself.

“I don’t sleep around, Mister J,” you whimper, upset.

“You’re not sleeping around, Doll, you’re sleeping with me, ok?” The Joker huffs, not getting the picture.

“Oh my God, stupid hormones!” you mutter, massaging your temples.

“What was that, Y/N?” he asks because he can’t hear over the music.

“I said it was awesome!” you raise your voice, mad at your stupid nerdy ass. But it was really awesome, can’t lie about it.

**********************

The next day he took you over to Jax’s hideout for a meeting, of course.

“Doll, am I getting a good deal?” J lifts your chin from your book, a bit vexed you are not paying attention. You were actually thinking about how good he looks naked and it sure bugs you.

“No, the price of gold went up 12.3% since last week. You need at least $750.000 for this to be a good deal,” you sigh, watching all the dudes staring you down.

“Mister J, I’ll give you 2 millions more if you let Y/N work for me for a month,” Jax is fast to negotiate and since J believes it’s a good deal, he agrees:

“Done!”

You look up at him with your mouth open, not excited at all: “I don’t want to stay here, Mister J, I work for you,” you complain, hurt he is giving you away like you’re a thing.

“It’s just a month, Doll, you’ll be fine. Plus, I wasn’t asking, got it?” he shoves his finger in your face, irked because he hates insubordination. You sniffle, wanting to cry with anger but you keep it together and start reading again, not really seeing the words.

*****************************

The Joker starts missing you after two days and it annoys him sooooo much. He keeps on looking at the books and reading glasses you left behind. You didn’t take everything with you since you will be gone for only four weeks. How hard can it be without her? he thinks. It’s not that he didn’t manage without you before you came to work for him. Piece of cake, he decides.

He brought one of the girls from the club, dressed her with your clothes and gave her a pair of your glasses. He even takes her to a meeting and she is sitting on the couch like you used to, reading a book she doesn’t understand.

“Doll, am I getting a good deal?” he turns towards the girl and she freezes.

“Ummm… I don’t know Mister J… “ she honestly replies, scared.

“How can you not know?!” he screams at her. “Y/N would know!”

“I’m sorry Mister J,” she apologizes and starts crying.

“Oooh, shut up!” he cuts her off, wanting to strangle her.

That didn’t go well.

After everyone left, he goes and places his head on her knees, aggravated she’s not smart like you.

“Which one of her books are you reading?” he questions the girl and she shows him:

“Quantum Physics and Applications,” she manages to articulate, almost shaking.

“I know that one,” he smiles for a second then he gets grouchy again. “Care to elaborate?” he barks at her and the poor girl start bawling, stammering her words: “I-I don’t k-know, M-Mister J, I c-can’t understand a-anything.”

“My god, you’re so stupid!” he elbows her with murder on his mind. “Do you know French?”

“N-No,” she keeps on weeping, scared for her life.

“Do you know Italian?”

“N-No.”

“Then what the hell are you doing here, huh? GET OUT!!!!!!” he shouts, getting up and pushing her away. That didn’t go well.

*************************

“Y/N, Mister J is here,” Jax lets you know and you don’t lift your eyes from your book because you don’t want to see him. What is he doing here after 3 days he basically sold you for more money?! You don’t want to work for Jax, you don’t like him. You only pick employers you like. And right now you don’t like J either. Big problem I guess.

“Mister J would like to drink a…”

“I know what he likes!” you lift yourself from the couch, aggravated, slamming your book to the side, still not glancing his way and go to mix his drink. When you bring it back and hand it over, The Joker touches your fingers with his, holding them for a few seconds and you finally glare at him. What the…? He’s wearing your purple reading glasses to match his jacket and cane. Your mouth opens with surprise and he just blinks slowly, pretending he doesn’t care about anything. What kind of strategy is this?! you think, puzzled. What is he up to?!

You turn on your hills and head back to your seat when he addresses Jax:

“I want my employee back; I’ll give you 5 millions!”

“Done!” Jax is fast in agreeing before J finishes the sentence because how can he refuse such a deal?! He doesn’t know what’s going on but he doesn’t need you that badly. He’s getting so much more than he paid for you so it works for him.

In the meantime you just watch them, perplexed, hating your life: WTF, am I cattle or what?!

*******************

He’s been driving for 20 minutes and you didn’t say a word to him.

“So what’s the last book you’ve read, hm?” J starts the conversation, squeezing the steering wheel so hard it hurts.

“How to Deal With a Shitty Boyfriend!” you grumble, crossing your arms on your chest and looking out the window. (It really is the name of the book. Sometimes you read fluff like this).

“Sounds like an award winning one,” he snorts, amused you’re so feisty. “Care to elaborate?”

“NO!”

“Do you even have a boyfriend? Why would you read such nonsense?” You bite on your cheek, moving away from him more.

“Well, then, do you care if I listen to music?” he asks because he has it all planned.

“I don’t care!”

“ ‘kaayyyy,” and he turns on his stereo. Sure enough, Madonna’s “Revolver” starts playing.

“Really?! Really?!” you get even more worked up, and finally turn towards him.

“Wha’? You said you don’t mind so…” “Pull over!” you demand, impatient but he can’t notice it yet. “We’re in the woods, I don’t wanna pull over,” he argues, sucking on his teeth.

“Pull over I said!” and you take your seatbelt off, making him yank at the wheel and park on a small, dusty road. “Jeez, are you trying to…”

But you don’t let him finish. You crawl in his lap and start kissing him roughly, unbuttoning your shirt in the same time.

“God,” you moan,” this song drives me wild!!” You bite his ear and he starts purring, delighted. It worked, he thinks, horny as hell, unhooking your bra.

Stupid hormones, you think, mad at yourself again but eager to get him naked as fast as possible.